Yesterday I read a line in the devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young for Feb 9— ”Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully in just the right dosage, with a tenderness you can hardly imagine…”
Yeah, I didn’t want to read that.
I’ve been feeling pretty happy. Things have been going quite well in my brain for a change. My attitude has been mostly positive and hopeful. I’ve been reading Graham Cooke’s book Coming Into Alignment about living in God’s “delight and affection.” I am IN CHRIST and HIS SPIRIT is in me and I can live as an Overcomer. So I was feeling good about my life, trying to listen for God, to be happy in my present state of life, to live in the now, looking forward to the future that my God expertly holds.
I sensed a prophetic warning in the Feb 9 devotion. “Little trials lie ahead… be prepared to learn about overcoming the enemy.” Behold, I found the enemy within me, in my patterns of thinking. (And, of course, the Accuser is always waiting to pounce.) So how to overcome my Self is the task. I don’t like to be held back by me, but it happens. All too often.
My day started well enough. I read my devotional, but didn’t pray. Itty bitty warning bells I shoved aside. (Put God first or you will be in trouble.) Monday jobs to do: wash clothes, clean sinks, get old spot out of mattress, grocery shop, send Valentine cards, birthday cards, get well cards, phone calls, walk dog, pick up poop outside, do hair, plan menu, make meal(s) write, write, write.
Go, Judy, go… Changed sheets. Tried to clean spot…spread stain. Used another product… Spot worse yet. Oops directions said “don’t use with any other cleaning product.”
Wash whites. Bleach put in at the wrong time…praying it won’t affect clothes.
Color hair while clothes are washing. New color so I did not do roots one section at a time as is my routine, just shampooed in the new stuff, waited proper time, rinsed out. Missed entire section of hair– white circle on part line and it’s the WRONG color. (My usual color was not available at the grocery store, so I tried the closest color. Turns out my hair is now the same color I saw on a lady at church that I made a mental note about avoiding (ie. I hate that color red.)
Keep going, Judy. You can buy a new box of color at a different store, if you can find a different store. (I only know how to get to the grocery store near my father’s home in the big city.)
On to the grocery store. Need milk, bread, and a few other items. Spent two hours at store looking for perfect over priced cards for recipients who really don’t care one bit what I send. Forgot milk and bread but spent $80 on other stuff. (Hubby went back to get milk and bread, bless his heart.) Put groceries away.
Did another load of clothes. Put sweater in dryer by mistake.
Started pot-roast dinner in too-small crock pot.
Wrote cards. Lost list of addresses. Spent hour looking for them. Missed mailman. (Hubby went to post office to mail letters, bless his heart.)
Sun down. Food not cooked. Took roast out of crock pot, put into giant roaster pan, the only one available, cooked another hour. Too dark to walk dog. Set table, made salad, listened to bad news on TV. Dinner late. Cannot even speak to my family lest I blow up.
Day gone. Temper in tatters. Played solitaire instead of writing.
Failure tape plays. Big red “F” today, Judy. Can’t you do anything right? Little inconsequential stuff of no importance should not drive you to despair. It’s pathetic.
Watched an hour of Olympics—young, healthy, driven athletes who keep on keeping on, in spite of injury, bad weather conditions, past failures. All hope for gold or silver or bronze.
Still small voice says: “You have the eternal Christ living inside you. Tomorrow will be better. You have an eternal weight of glory waiting for you someday. Trust Me.”
Forgive me, God, for impatience with myself. The only thing that really matters is that Christ is in me. He is my hope of glory, not my abilities or lack thereof. I don’t need to sweat the small stuff, and, as the saying goes, it’s all small stuff. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10